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So last night, I was watching some episodes of Blow Out on Bravo that I had on my DVR. If you're not familiar with the show, it's a reality show about Jonathan Antin who owns Jonathan salons in Beverly Hills and West Hollywood. He's the quintesential LA prick, to put it nicely.

Then I talked to Jackie just before I fell asleep.

The combo resulted in a crazy ass dream. I don't remember all of it, but the basic idea was that Jonathan came and took over Jackie and Nancy's salon, and I worked there and he made all of these crazy ass rules for everybody. Like Jackie and Nancy were living above it and he told them they weren't allowed upstairs for anything before 9PM and he was taking over. I don't remember much else, just thinking he was a dickhead and it wasn't right at all.

This is where I brag about my boyfriend. Chris called this morning and the coversation went something like this:

Chris: I'm not going to see you until late tomorrow night.
Janet: I know. Are you coming over tonight?
Chris: That's exactly why I was calling.
Janet: Ok, see you after work.

We're spending the whole next week together, and he loves me enough that he can't wait to see me tonight.

In the past couple of weeks, especially talking to and emailing back and forth with Danyiel, I've noticed how much I've changed over the years. I used to be so down and pessimistic, but now I'm almost an optimist. I don't know where that happened, but I'm glad it did. Really glad. I finally feel almost at peace or something, and I know that everything I've been through was for a reason. I'm just getting around to finding out what those reasons were.
tainted_heaven: (Default)
I've been wanting to do a real update for so long now, I just really haven't had the chance. I've been doing a lot of thinking about things. Some brought on by conversations with others, some just on my own.

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to [livejournal.com profile] lvlystori and I realized that although it sucked to be hurt so much by so many guys (a lot of which I allowed to happen), it paid off in the end. I spent so long looking for my "perfect" guy. The one in a band who loves cars. Who had tats and/or piercings. I found a lot of guys close to that, I found a couple who were that, but every one hurt me in the end. I think that if I hadn't have gone through that, me and Chris wouldn't be where we are and what we are. Without being hurt so much by the "perfect" guys, I honestly probably wouldn't have given Chris a chance. We're the same in a lot of our thinking, values and morals, but we're very different on so many levels too. Different music, different views on religion. He has no ink, and just one hole in his ear that he never puts an earring in. The point in all of this is the irony. He was no where near the "perfect" I had in mind, but by being that, he wound up being perfect. He loves me for who I am, and he respects me. We have our share of problems, sure, but so does every couple. It's never anything major really, and even when we fight, he loves me enough to hold back his temper and talk things through with me. We never let each other go to bed upset. Even if we fight and hang up without saying, "I love you", he calls me back before we go to bed and we work it out. I have so much respect for him just for having the patience to do that. I never had that before. Paul and I didn't fight. He got mad at me, then I wouldn't see him for a month. This relationship is a big change. It's funny too, because we usually talk about "when" we get married, now, as opposed to "if" and that makes me feel good, especially since he brings it up more than I do. To have somebody love me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me is honestly a high, and I cannot believe how lucky I am, even if he does drive me crazy sometimes.

more under here )


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Janet Linaweaver

February 2009

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